Five things I try to avoid when writing!
Five things I try to avoid when writing.
Definitely, definitely – Family!!!
Don’t get me wrong – I love them all – each and every one of them.
Individually, they are all quite amazing. In small groups, they are tolerable.
On mass – No – it never works! Despite, numerous, ruined social events where I’ve acted on the deep seated urge to bring the whole family together and rejoice in the family unit – only to be faced with the same results – Blood, Sweat, tears, spittle, black eyes and grey hairs – I still keep trying.
But not when I write. When I write, I need to be far away from the everyday running of the household, the daily chorus of – I’m tired – I’m bored – When are we eating? – Does any washing get done in this house?
No matter how hard they try- there will be something they just have to ask!
Solution – A locked room with padded walls, a shed in the garden, or an office, preferably in the Bahamas!
It has to be turned off. The castigated family that have been given strict instructions not to disturb you, will see this as there finest moment. They will leave that phone to ring. It will not pique their curiosity! They will not worry that it could be bad news! They will sit, patiently, waiting to hear you lift that receiver, then punch the air knowing their job is done.
Despite our eternal optimism, the telephone rarely brings good news -
Try writing the funniest chapter of the book, only to be interrupted with – “I’ve lost my job, we’ve got no money, we’ll have to sell the house and pack the kids off to your mums”!
Take no chances – turn the phone off……
Listen to me – I speak the truth.
It starts with one biscuit and a cup of tea – for a job well done. It progresses to a cup of coffee and a biscuit to start the day – then another for a job well done.
One year and THREE STONE later –it’s biscuits for every occasion, including end of page – and start of paragraph!
Every now and again (Who am I kidding – it’s every other day!) When the old writer’s block sets in and I seriously doubt if I will ever write another line again – I turn (not to the bottle) but to the button – The television button! At these, stricken, times the rule of thumb is – If I put it on – I will watch it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the unabridged history of paint drying or the one millionth showing of Ben Hur – I watch it. The writers block is totally blacked out and I engross myself in my viewing as though I am to be tested afterwards – penalty – death!
Time and emotion spent, nothing left on the screen but teleshopping – I heave myself back to my computer and try to write again. It’s a useless process and best avoided.
#5 ~ Housework.
For similar reasons to avoiding television – I try my best to avoid housework. How hard can that be – you say! True enough – For a women who mastered the art of avoiding housework at a very early age – it should be the easiest things in the world and yet – As soon as I stumble over a few paragraphs – As soon as the effects of a history of paint drying takes over my lead characters – I feel myself, inexplicably, drawn to the dust particles accumulating on the top of the book shelf. Even though they can’t be seen from ground level – I know that they are there! I soon start shifting through cupboards of discarded cleaning products and various cleaning rags, until in the end I am armed with enough ammonia and lint free cloths to clean Buckingham Palace.
Five hours later – Book shelves cleaned – 1
Books browsed through – 56
Pages of Book written -0